Thursday, September 25, 2014

DOUBLE FEATURE FROM HELL: HELLINGER (1997) / HOLY TERROR (2002)



DOUBLE FEATURE FROM HELL: HELLINGER (1997) and HOLY TERROR (2002)

Label: SGL Entertainment
Duration: 125 mins
Audio: English Dolby Digital Stereo
Director: Massimiliano Cerchi
Cast: Artie Richard, Shana Betz, James M. O'Donoghue, Veronica Bero, Solomon Cobitt, Kelly Goldstein, Stephen Steel, Beverly Lynne, Charlie David, Nick Armas, Jennifer Amanda Morgan, Yvette Lopez, Lindsey Labrum, Gregory Etchinson, Michael Brazier, Katy Moses


There's certainly some truth in the adverting which proclaims this to be a double feature from Hell. Truly I do feel as those I've been punished and sent to an awful place for what felt like an eternity - actually just two hours but those are two hours I will never get back. What we have hear are to sacrilegious no-budget cheapies shot on what would appear to be low-end consumer grade cameras. Now no-budget doesn't necessarily equate to awful but in this instance is certainly does, these are awful films. 

The first feature  is HELLINGER (1997) a painful knock-off of HELLRAISER featuring a demonic clergyman who appears in the darkness to pluck out the eyes of his victims before disemboweling them - definitely a few nods to HELLRAISER and a bit of CANDYMAN. The demonic priest is quite a sight, just imagine a white-faced Pinhead minus the nails and played by Wallace Shawn (THE PRINCESS BRIDE). Every scene is overwrought and unintentionally funny. The cast has zero charisma but somehow Massimiliano Cerchi manages to get some comely young lasses to bare their breasts for the  prerequisite sex scenes - which were not great but at least distracting. The gore is pretty awful and the production value is has all the charm of a backyard wrestling video on YouTube.

Onto the scond opus in this diabolic double-feature from director Massimiliano Cerchi we have HOLY TERROR (2002) which was shot a few years later  but somehow looks worse. This one is somewhat centered around a possessed nun who terrorizes a group of friends with the help of her evil minion - a pervy realtor. I had hopes for some fun schlocky no-budget nunsploitation with this one because I sort of enjoyed the make-up effects of the possessed-nun but the film is so criminally inept in all categories there's not much to enjoy even on a shitfest level. Again Cerchi finds a few actresses willing to bare their tits for a few sex scenes plus a strip club segment - which explains where these directors find young women desperate enough to bare some skin in shit movies  

This double-feature of no-budget awfulness is the worst sort of trash cinema. I can forgive the shoddy production value and poor acting but the both films are so uninspired and flat that they just cannot keep my interest. There's no passion to praise onscreen here and maybe if there was a modicum of wit or wink-wink irony I could maybe muster some enthusiasm but this is a dud from start to finish - a complete waste of time. At just over two hours to watch both films may I suggest you go to your shelves and pull out a decent ninety-minute horror film and watch that - anything but this one. 

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