Thursday, January 5, 2017

FAIRY TALES (1978) (Blu-ray Review)


Label: Full Moon Entertainment

Region Code: Region-FREE
Rating: Unrated
Duration: 82 Minutes
Video: 1080p HD Widescreen (2.35:1) 
Audio: English Dolby Digital Stereo 2.0. Surround 5.1 
Director: Harry Hurwitz
Cast:  Quigley, Don Sparks, Sy Richardson, Brenda Fogarty, and Martha Reeve

Synopsis: Kinky classic Fairy Tales (1978), starring "Scream Queen" Linnea Quigley in her first feature role, sees fairy tale characters Little Bo Peep, Old King Cole, Little Tommy Tucker, Snow White, and many others all grown up - embarking in dance, lust, and romance in a land where everything is possible and clothing is optional!

It is good to see Full Moon digging into the vault to unearth this lusty fairy tale sex-comedy from the 70's, a delightful softcore romp full of 70s campiness, nudity and a load of surprisingly fun musical numbers, because yes sir, this is a softcore fairy tale musical! 

We open with the Prince (Don Sparks, TV's L.A. Law)who awakens on his 21st birthday and is told he must prove to his father the King that he can sire an heir to the throne or risk losing his future Kingdom. To that end the King sends a trio of docs; Dr. Eyes (Irwin Corey, Car Wash), Dr. Ears (Robert Harris) and Dr. Moustache (Simmy Bow, Alligator) to the Prince's bed first thing in the morning, they've brought along a gorgeous blond (Idy Tripodi) who mounts the young Prince in his bed but the Prince's limp-dick cannot rise to the occasion. To my eyes the Prince seems not to favor women but he says that his true love is that of a blond woman as seen in portrait hanging on his bedroom wall, sure, but it is said that the Princess in the portrait disappeared years ago and has not been seen since.

The Prince is sent off by himself to the Land Of The Fairies to find a cure for his limp prick, his first sexy encounter is with the buxom Little Bo Peep (Angela Aames, Chopping Mall), a cutie in a yellow and white bonnet and a dress that leaves little to the imagination, and even that melts off her pretty damn quickly, but still the Prince's prick fails to rise to the occasion, again. Peep advises the Prince to seek The Little Old Lady Who Lives in a Shoe, Madame Gussy (Brenda Fogarty, Trip with the Teacher). Of course the shoe is a whore house run by Gussy, with a wise-cracking doorman played by Roberts Staats, and this wise-cracking guy steals the show. The Shoe is also visited by the smooth pimp Sirius (Sy Richardson, Repo Man), who also steals every scene, these guys are comedy gold.

While traveling through the kingdom on his way to the Shoe the Prince encounters Jack (Jeff Doucette, TV's Alien Nation) and Jill (Lindsay Freeman, Boardinghouse), the latter of whom of course tries to get in his pants without success. Arriving at the Shoe the Prince discovers that each themed room in the shoe is home to a different fairy tale story, we have a kinky Snowhite (Anne Gaybis, Bachelor Party), and her horny seven dwarfs, with my favorite musical number of the show, fun and raunchy! Of course there's also an Evil Queen and her sexy mirror image, a trio of dominatrix including Evelyn Guerrero, Toolbox Murders) who perform a song along the lines of WWII swing jazz classic boogie woogie bugle boy, which was all sorts of awesome, but it also fails to get the Prince's royal dick hard. 

Martha Reeve's of Martha And The Vandellas fame shows up for a fine disco-soul number as a voodoo priestess in a bubbling cauldron, and according to Band's commentary the soul singer didn't even realize she was performing in a softcore sex-comedy until she brought her Church group to see the movie - if that's true that is amazing! Aso notable is the appearance of a sex-loving Old King Cole (Bob Leslie, The Florida Connection) who receives a rather pleasant and oiled up erotic belly-dance from the exotic dancer Nai Bonet (Nocturna). The Prince has no luck fixing his wang-thang until he becomes privy to a secret room on the upper floor of the shoe which may or may not contain Sleeping Beauty (Linnea Quigley, Return of the Living Dead) in her first role and looking so fresh-faced and cute.

The movie is so silly and fun, loaded with hairy-bushed nudity, and eyefuls of softcore orgies, and raunchy musical numbers that are surprisingly catchy, this thing never wears out its welcome, not even for a minute. Sparks is decent in the role of the naive Prince but the movie is stolen in my opinion by motor-mouthed doorman played Roberts Staats, he seemed so familiar to be, a wonderful combination of used car salesman and 42nd street carnival barker, telling Bo Peep he cannot see the future but can tell by her bruises what she did last night, loved this guy.

Fairy Tales (1978) was low-budget and strapped for cash which probably necessitated the cheesy sets and costuming, but that's all part of the charm of it, I like the shoe house/brothel they constructed, it sort of looked like it belonged at a miniature golf place, you know, cheap.  Though it was low-rent the cast are a fun bunch and the musical numbers are excellent, there's a lot to love about this raunchy sex-comedy cum musical.

Audio/Video: Fairy Tales (1978) arrives on Blu-ray from Full Moon restored from its original 35mm negative, framed in the original widescreen scope (2.35:1) aspect ratio, and it look quite good overall, very natural and not artificially sharpened. There's a fair amount of grain present and some minor print damage is visible from time to time but overall this is a good looking release. 

Par for the course for Full Moon there is no lossless audio option on the disc, we have instead choice of Dolby Digital 2.0 and 5.1 Surround. Dialogue, musical numbers and effects sound fine,though, everything is clear and well-mixed. There are no subtitle options on the disc. 

The only substantial extras on the disc is an audio commentary by writer Frank Perilli and Charles Band who kind of do it by the seat of their pants without having done much research before their viewing, which is still informative and entertaining but not the most scholarly of tracks. The disc also includes a handful of trailer for other Full Moon movies. It should also be noted that this is apparently the first time the "director's cut" of the film has been released on home video, running about five minutes longer in length than the previous DVD version. From what I've been able to gather this is mostly extended softcore orgy sex scenes, as this was a first time for I am not exactly sure. 

Special Features:

- Audio Commentary by Writer Frank Perilli and Producer Charles Band 
- Full Moon Trailers: Trancers 2( 2 min), Vampire Journals (2 mins), Puppet Master 2 (2 min), Puppet Master 3 (2 min), Subspecies 2 (2 min), Specters (2 min)

Fairy Tales (1978) is a fun watch, a 70's sex comedy loaded with nude woman and fun raunchy musical numbers, what's not to love? 3/5