Thursday, February 29, 2024

FRANCO FEBRUARY - DAY 29! DIAMONDS OF KILIMANDJARO (1983) (MVD Classics Blu-ray Review)

DIAMONDS OF KILIMANDJARO (1983) 

Label: MVD Visual/MVD Classics 

Duration: 83 Minutes
Region Code: Region-FREE
Rating: Unrated
Video: 1080p HD Widescreen (1.85:1)
Audio: English LPCM 2.0
Director: Jesús Franco 
Cast: Katja Bienert, Aline Mess, Antonio Mayans, Daniel Katz, Lina Romay, Olivier Mathot


While I do love me some Jess Franco directed Euro-cult I must confess his 80's jungle films are usually awful endeavors of flesh and cannibal trash badness, anyone whom has watched Devil Hunter (1980) will attest tio that. Well, this doesn't have the gore of Devil Hunter, but it does have plenty of young women traipsing nude through the jungle, but there's no cannibalism to speak of, so right away it loses some love from me. The film opens with a rather poorly assembled edit of a plane crashing into the jungle, young and lovely Diana (Katja Bienert, German Angst) and her step dad (Daniel White, Barbed Wire Dolls) survive the crash. Having fallen from the sky the local tribe believe them to be white gods of sorts, going so far as to promote her Scottish step-father to tribal chief status! Diana becomes something of a female version of Tarzan, a defender of white people who become lost in the jungle, sort of treading on where  Amazonia - The Catherina Miles Story (1985) would follow, but nowhere near as fun, good or interesting.



Meanwhile back in the land of the civilized we find her ailing mother, played by Franco muse Lina Romay (The Hot Nights of Linda) in a decidedly un-sexy role) on her deathbed, made up in some godawful old-age make-up. A pair of adventurers report to her that they think they have spotted her daughter in the African jungles, so she sends them, along with Diana's Uncle Mathieu (Oliver Mathot, Cannibal Terror) and his unscrupulous sexpot wife (Ana Stern, Night of a Thousand Desires), back to the jungles to find her daughter and return her.


Uncle Mathieu however has little interest in returning the young woman to her family, if she never returns he stands to inherit the family fortune, so they plot to make sure she never returns, but in the process run afoul of the tribe, lead by the blood thirsty and wild-haired Noba (Aline Mess, Devil Hunter) who is far and away the best part of the film, wicked and wild, just the way we like our warrior ladies! 



As Jess Franco films go this is on the way-lower end of the spectrum, a Eurocine film clearly designed to cash-in on the jungle/cannibal cycle of films happening at the time, but it's a Franco for hire production, you can see his heart was not into it in way whatsoever, lacking his signature style and sexiness. There is some effort to sex this film up but it's just not working in anyway, it's a nearly incoherent dud of a jungle adventure film.


Audio/Video: Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (1983) arrives on Blu-ray from MVD imprint MVD Classics in 1080p HD framed in 1.85:1 widescreen, The source looks to be a fair-looking print, there are scratches and nicks throughout, softness can be an issue but the quality varies from scene to scenes. There's a lot of stock footage of wildlife thrown, often appearing much grainier and hazier than the main film. Some scenes showcase some nice depth and clarity, but it comes and goes throughout. There's a lot of nude lady flesh in the film, oftentimes it looks quite nice with natural looking skin tones. 



Audio comes by way of English-dubbed PCM Mono 2.0, fidelity is not a strong suit, not helped by the atrocious editing and bad-dubbing. Speaking of bad dubbing, there's an crocodile attack scene that is repeated, the first time around we get a music track and no dialogue, as soon as it ends it starts up again with dialogue. I am assuming this is a padded-for-run time sort of thing. 



The only extras on the disc are a trailers for the film and some other MVD titles including Golden Temple Amazons, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and The Violence Movie. The single-disc release comes housed in a clear Blu-ray keepcase with a one-sided sleeve of artwork, the artwork is repeated on the slipcover that accompanies it. The artwork is rather good, I love the illustration and the font of the logo, it promised much more than the film can actually deliver. 



Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (1983) is really only going to appeal to die-hard fans of the director, or jungle trash completest, I fall into the former category myself, so I was pretty excited just to have another slice of Franco in HD - even if it is ripe pile of trash. This is the sort of film that brings you more joy when you see the spine on your movie shelf than it does actually watching it, if that makes sense, and if you're a collector I am sure it does.  Franco's like-minded Golden Temple Amazons (1986) is also available from MVD Classics on Blu-ray, and the two films can be found together on an MVD Classics double-feature DVD that will be released in March 2019.