PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW (1971)
Label: Warner Archive Original
Region Code: Region-Free
Rating: R
Duration: 91 Minutes 45 Seconds
Audio: English DTS-HD MA 2.0 Dual-Mono with Optional English Subtitles
Video: 1080p HD Widescreen
Director: Roger Vadim
Cast: Rock Hudson, Angie Dickinson, Telly Savalas, Roddy McDowall
Pretty Maids All In A Row (1971) is based in the 1968 novel Francis Pollini, and is directed by French provocateur Roger Vadim (Barbarella) and adapted for the screen by Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek). It's an exploitative dark comedy masquerading as a studio murder mystery with a wild cast. The events are set in a typically sun-drenched California at Oceanfront High School where young female students are being targeted by a serial killer. The film opens with sexually frustrated teen Ponce de Leon Harper (John David Carson, Creature from Black Lake) sitting in class ogling the new ultra-sexy substitute teacher Betty Smith (Angie Dickinson, Dressed to Kill), when she "accidentally" brushed her breast against his face he excuses himself, and has to walk to the bathroom to with a notebook covering his crotch to hide his erection. he grans a bathroom stall and looks like he's about to rub one out when he notices discolored legs emerging from the neighboring stall. When he goes to investigate he discovers a dead girl with a note pinned to her ass of her undies. The cops are called and the first to arrive is the clueless local Police Chief John Poldaski (Keenan Wynn, Piranha) who botches the investigation from the get-go, but he is quickly put in his place by State Trooper Police Captain Sam Surcher (Telly Savalas, Horror Express), who noting Poldaski's incompetence send him to direct traffic, which is sort of a recurring joke.
Teens and teachers are questioned, among them Principal Proffer (Roddy McDowall, Fright Night), Mr. Grady (William Campbell, Dementia 13) and the bookish Mrs. Craymire (Susan Tolsky, Record City), plus the beloved football coach faculty advisor Michael "Tiger" McDrew (Rock Hudson, Lover Come Back). Funnily enough, the murder seems to be more of an inconvenience than a threat, and for the most part not much changes in the wake of the murder, not even when a second co-ed is found dead in the boiler room with another note pinned to her undies. One of the most disturbing elements of the film, especially watching this with modern eyes, is seeing the charming "Tiger" steadily bedding attractive underage highschool girls in his office throughout the film, full-on nudity each time. It turns out that there's not much mystery about the identity of the killer here, it's "Tiger", who murders the young women he's seduced/raped when he begins to fear they might expose him, he is a happily married man with a daughter (Stephanie Mizrahi) after all, married to the rather stunning Jean (Barbara Leigh, Terminal Island), in fact.
The "Pretty Maids" are plentiful, this highschool is dripping with primo '70s beauties, it really is a dark male fantasy, among them we have Brenda Sykes (Cleopatra Jones), Joy Bang (Messiah of Evil), Joanna Cameron (B.S. I Live You), Aimee Eccles (The Concrete Jungle), June Fairchild (Up In Smoke), and Margaret Markov (The Hot Box), and Diane Sherry (Superman: The Movie). All of them sleek, sun-kissed beauties that are exploited to the fullest for this creepily perverse slice of studio exploitation.
A film like this just could not get made today, to which I say, shame on today! I absolutely love how perverse and weird this is, the villain is ultra-charismatic, both men and women are drawn to him, he even manages to corrupt sweet Mrs. Smith, after Ponce de Leon confides in him that he is having overly active erections he more or less seduces the sex-starved teacher himself and then convinces her to "help" Ponce de Leon, inviting him to her home. This whole idea of teachers sleeping around and murdering students is just wildly inappropriate, I am sure it must have been even during the sexually liberated early 70's, but watching it now it's just preposterous to think this made it to the cinema, let alone was an actual studio film starring leading man legend Rock Hudson, who plays up his effortlessly charming schtick here to the nth degree to diabolical effect. I love how delightfully off-putting this is, it is a super-dark comedy, the blackest, it's right up right up there with Harold and Maude, Heathers, and Very Bad Things, just fucked-up, and I am here for it. I also think that it's pretty wild that the screenplay was from Gene Roddenberry, the fucking creator of Star Trek, and I think that this was his only feature film screenplay. Ners really are the biggest pervs, huh? Rodenberry is not the only Star Trek connection, nonother than James Doohan, "Scotty" from Star Trek shows up as an investigating officer, and I was today's years old when I realized he's not actually a Scot, it was acting!
Audio/Video: The Warner Archive Blu-ray is sourced from a 4K scan of the OCN, and it looks terrific in 1080p HD framed in 1.85:1 widescreen. The sun-drenched and colorful California environs shot by cinematographer Charles Rosher, Jr. (Nightwing) looks terrific, warm supple skin tones, vibrant primaries, solid black and pleasing depth and clarity throughout, The source is spotless looking as well, this is a gorgeous restoration. Audio comes by way of English DTS-HD MA 2.0 dual-mono with optional English subtitles, the track is clean and well-balanced with nicely prioritized dialogue, and the funk-flavored Lalo Schifrin (Charley Varrick) score is fantastic, and I love the sunny pop flavors of the main/end title track Chilly Winds performed by The Osmonds.
The only extras is the 3-min Original Theatrical Trailer...sad face. This is a notorious studio film with a wildly fantastic cast, and it deserves the full special edition treatment with extras, interviews and essays, like something we'd get from Cinematographe, Radiance, Arrow Video or Imprint Films. Alas, even still I disappointed we get no new extras I am stoked to have this fully restored and looking aces in HD.
The single-disc release arrives in a standard keepcase with a single-sided sleeve featuring the original movie poster artwork.
Special Features:
- Original Theatrical Trailer (2:44)
Screenshots from the Warner Archive Blu-ray:
Buy it!
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