Friday, December 27, 2013

DVD Review: 12 DISASTERS (2013)

12 DISASTERS (2013) 

Label: Anchor Bay Entertainment
Region Code: 1 NTSC
Rating: R
Duration: 90 Minutes
Video: 16:9 Widescreen (1.78:1)
Audio: English Dolby Digital 5.1
Director: Steven Monroe
Cast: Magda Apanowicz, Ed Quinn, Roark Critchlow, Ryan Grantham

Originally aired on the Syfy network as '12 Disasters of Christmas' this TV movie is pretty awful. I love schlocky movies and have been accused of having poor taste in cinema by my wife on a daily basis yet I have never been able to sit down and enjoy any of the Syfy produced pieces of shit that seem to have quite a following.

This one concerns a young woman named Jacey (Magda Apanowicz) who is bequeathed a ring by her grandmother who informs her that the end of the world is upon us and that the young girl is the "chosen one" just before a giant icicle falls from the sky and impales her through the chest. This part was actually a pretty fun start but was unfortunately the last thing I enjoyed about the entire film, mind you that was only five minutes in and we still had eighty-five more to go, ugh. Soon after the small town of Calvary is plagued by mass bird deaths, waters running red, earthquakes, a sub-zero cold snap, volcanoes and a pine tree ripping tornado... and an invisible dome has formed over the town cutting them off from the rest of the world.

The story borrows elements from Stephen Kings 'The Dome' and his short story 'The Mist', most obviously a religious nut who believes a human sacrifice must be performed to save the town from the end of days. Throw in a little Lord of the Rings flavor, a bit of Luc Besson's The Fifth Element (1997) and the ridiculous notion that the ancient Mayans authored the '12 Days of Christmas' carol to warn future generations about the impending doomsday and you have yourself quite a mess of a film, an mind-numbing ninety-minutes of bad movie making.

I was a bit surprised to see 12 Disasters was directed by Steven R. Munroe who directed the pretty decent I Spit on Your Grave (2010) remake, I can only assume he had a mortgage payment due or a severe drug habit to feed. 12 Disasters (2013) is just a bad film and there's not enough 'so bad it's good' in the world to make me sit through this again. Anchor Bay should be commended for truth in advertising as the generic artwork and font on the DVD 
screams lame Syfy TV production from start to finish, avoid. 1.5 Outta 5