MALIBU EXPRESS (1985) (Mill Creek Entertainment Blu-ray Review)

MALIBU EXPRESS (1985)

Label: Mill Creek Entertainment

Region Code: A

Rating: R

Audio: English DTS-HD MA 2.0 with Optional English Subtitles

Video: 1080p HD Widescreen (1.78:1) 

Director: Andy Sidaris

Cast: Darby Hinton. Sybil Danning, Art Metrano, Shelley Taylor Morgan, Brett Clark, Niki Dantine

Malibu Express (1985) feels a bit like sexploitation director Russ Meyers directing a even-more coked-up episode of 80's TV staple Magnum P.I., opening with 80's private eye Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton) at an indoor shooting range, verifying for us that he has shit aim and cannot hit a moving target to save his life! From there we head on over to a racetrack where Abilene watches a busty blonde named June Khnockers (Playboy Playmate Lynda Wiesmeier, Joysticks) do a few laps around the track before she shows Abilene her ample breasts, and then he's recruited by Contessa Luciana (Sybil Danning, Chained Heat) to investigate how the Soviets are managing to disrupt American computer technologies... and if I am being honest that's about when I really stopped caring about the plot of this 80's train wreck of an action film, it's mind-numbing to think about it even that much. Which is not to say it is not an entertaining watch, it's a delirious fever dream of 80's action sprinkled with perky tits and tanned asses, so there's a lot to love for the base-minded among us. I would never say this was a good movie by any traditional cinematic standard, but it is grade-a 80's trash. Suffering a bit because it is over-long and over-stuffed with characters, far too many for me to even care about. But, as all of them are either topless, horny women or ludicrous 80's action stereotypes it's all good fun, so no harm, no foul. There are so many wild haired tangents happening, it's a real hot-mess, including bizarre sub-plot involving a family who continually challenge Abilene to street races, forcing him to continually upgrade his mode of transportation.

Throughout the film Abilene offers narration as he makes verbal notes into a mini-cassette recorder, it's an inept device probably meant to make the film more coherent, but that's a fool's errand in a movie that seems to have been fueled by some of that good 80's cocaine and a never ending supply of tanning beds. The characters come fast and furious, and the dialogue is so bad, so very bad, that it comes all the way around to being awesome, like when a pair of nude young women break broken into Abilene yacht and say "I understand you're a private investigator", "and we want to know if you'll investigate our privates", and it only gets worse (better?) from there, it's that sort of movie. 

Malibu Express (1985) debuts on Blu-ray from Mill Creek Entertainment with a new 4K scan and restoration having been prepared by America Genre Film Archive (AGFA) that looks pretty spiffy, though still showing some rough edges, and looking to have been cropped to 1.78:1 from the original full screen aspect ratio, but still managing to look not too cramped in it's  widescreen confines. The English DTS-HD MA stereo audio sounds good, it's clean and well-balanced, and does the job.

Extras are carried over from the previous special edition DVD, including an introduction from Andy Sidaris along with Julie Strain and John Brown, plus an audio commentary from the director, a bunch of Malibu Bay trailers, and 43-minutes of behind-the-scenes footage with commentary from the director, plus an Easter Egg by way of random sexy pics of Julie Strain. 

I'm not sure I am selling this movie sight unseen to anyone with this review, but if you're a lover of 80's cheese, tits and ridiculous action Malibu Express has all of that and so much more to offer for  connoisseurs of bad cinema. The new Blu-ray from Mill Creek Entertainment is far and away the best the film has ever looked on home video, a demented slice of 80's action that had me wondering "why am I watching this?" and "I need to watch this a lot more!" in about equal measure throughout.