Hey there monster-kids, let's welcome a new crypt-kicker to the Mausoleum, with what will hopefully be the first of many volumes of the Uncle Chick's Picks column to be featured here on the blog!
UNCLE CHICK'S PICKS VOL. 1
AFTER DEATH (1989) - BLACK DEMONS (1991) - CHILDREN OF THE LIVING DEAD (2001) - WARLOCK MOON (1973/75)
(aka OLTRE LA MORTE, ZOMBIE 4: AFTER DEATH and ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS 3): DVD, Shriek Show, SSDVD-0224, DVD Release: 2002, Region 1, ISBN: 1-58655-378-9, Not Rated, 84 mins. Directed by Claudio Fragasso (as Clyde Anderson). Starring Jeff Stryker (under his real name Chuck Peyton), Candice Daly, Massimo Vanni, Jim Gaines, and Don Wilson. Anamorphic Widescreen 1.85:1, Audio: Dolby Digital Mono, Plastic Keep Case. Bonus Material: Interviews with Jeff Stryker/Chuck Peyton, Candice Daly and Claudio Fragasso, Film Production Notes, Fragasso Biography, and a Trailer Gallery that includes this film and 3 other Italian gore masterpieces. Chapter Card included inside.
MY SYNOPSIS: Because a group of scientists dared to try and cure cancer (how appalling!), an angry local African witch doctor living in the Philippines opens the door to hell (he has the key) and lets loose a plague of zombies there. He starts with his wife who grows buck teeth, spews bile, leaps about, tears faces off, bites throats, and generally maims and kills all the scientists (dang I just ruined that part for you). A few disconnected story lines later, a new batch of zombie food has returned to the island and they must fight off the hordes of hell. Lots of shooting, exploding heads, throat biting, blood spurting, Bosco drooling, and all the stuff people who watch these films (like me) want to see. There are sections where you can go out and make popcorn without missing any zombies drool gallons of Bosco or get their brains bashed in. The zombies can't make up their minds if they want to amble a la Romero or jump around like kung fu maniacs, which, quite frankly, spoiled all the realism in this film for me. Shot in two weeks, this flick will entertain you with its cinematic mastery and its use of oatmeal as zombie make-up. Not Rated, but you must be 18 years of age or older to endure this because of profanity and typical zombie gore, because we all know “you gotta shoot ‘em in the head!”
SSDVD-0306, DVD Release: 2002, Region 1, ISBN: 1-58655-426-3, Not Rated, 88 mins. Directed by Umberto Lenzi. Starring Joe Balogh, Maria Alves, Kieth Van Hoven, Sonia Curtis, Philip Murray, and Justo Silva. Anamorphic Widescreen 1.85:1, Audio: Dolby Digital Mono, Plastic Keep Case. Bonus Material: Interviews with Umberto Lenzi and Olga Pehar, and a Trailer Gallery that includes this film and 4 other Italian zombie masterpieces. Title Card included inside.
MY SYNOPSIS: A group of stupid white kids go to Brazil and one, who is appropriately named Dick, wants to experience macumba first hand. "Sure, why not, white boy!" says the local stereotype blind voodoo leader. Well, ha-ha on him. Dick gets drugged and becomes a zombie magnet. The trio naturally meet some more stupid kids or we wouldn't reach the mandatory body count for an Italian zombie film. Even though the 6 zombies in this flick move as fast as a tortoise on downers, they still manage to gouge eyeballs out (their favorite pass time) and hang that annoying Maria from the rafters (Yay!). The British guy who keeps calling the zombies "negroes" isn't P.C. and should have a zombie rap group "busta cap in his ass" for not using the P.C. hyphenated "African-Brazilians" terminology. Everyone should have been eye-gouged in this film, but some sadly get away. Uncut, digitally remastered and in English for the first time, which is odd because the leads speak English. Not Rated, but you must be 18 years of age or older to see this because of typical zombie gore and some National Geographic style naked native breasts.
MY SYNOPSIS: Angry because his mommy dressed him up like a girl, Worland comes back from the dead and makes zombies out of some kids trespassing on his property. In turn, they attack local idiots and an evil land developer trying to build a car lot on an old cemetery. Tom Savini only jumps around killing zombies early in the film; he’s not really a lead character. NOTLD alumnus John Russo and Bill Hinzman worked on this Pennsylvania product. Rated R for profanity, violence, and typical zombie gore, because we all know “you gotta shoot ‘em in the head!”
DVD Release: 2004, Region 1, ISBN: 1-58655-522-7, Not Rated, 84 mins. Directed by William Herbert. Starring Laurie Walters, Joe Spano, Edna Macafee, Steve Lolinsky, Richard Vielle, and Ray Goman. Widescreen 1.66:1, Audio: English or Spanish Dolby Digital Mono, Plastic Keep Case. Bonus Material: Introduction and comedy commentary by Joe Bob Briggs, Original Trailer (Easter Egg) and Reconstructed Trailer, Alternate Opening Sequence, and a Trailer Gallery with 4 more horror films.
MY SYNOPSIS: Jenny (Laurie Walters of "Eight Is Enough" fame) and John (Joe Spano of "Hill Street Blues" fame) head off for a picnic and "accidently" take a wrong turn and "accidently" find an abandoned old spa. Focus was obviously not a concern on the production for any of the early close-up insert shots, as we watch the leads wander around the creepy joint. The truly amazing part is Jenny doesn't fly away with a gust of wind up her monstrously huge bell bottom pants. The two meet Agnes, a dear sweet evil old creepy hag from hell, who spikes Jenny's tea, so she trips out, hears bizarre sounds and sees herself as a ghost bride. The couple leave, but after a fun afternoon in the creepy old spa, they can't wait to return. Jenny ditches the bells and returns in a mini-granny dress to hang with Agnes and John. She drops acid again and runs into two bib-overall ax wielding morons named Buford. She gets a small cut on her hand which, in this world, means she can't drive home "because it's dark." She and John, who is now creepy too, have to spend the night. What will happen to poor Jenny? Will she become part of a weird cult ceremony? Will she want to drop more acid and hook up with Timothy Leary? Force yourself to watch this lost cult flick for the answers. Spoiler Warning! There is no Warlock or Moon in the film. You must "check out" the Joe Bob Briggs commentary track on this DVD. Not Rated, but you must be 18 years of age or older to see this because of ax wielding maniac violence, severed body parts on a shelf, yummy cannibalism, and other poorly executed bits of gore. Sorry, no mandatory naked breasts in this one, but Laurie does walk around in a form fitting skimpy top to show off her perky nipples.
