Blu-ray Review: CHILLERAMA (2011)

CHILLERAMA (2011)

LABEL: Image Entertainment
REGION CODE: A
RATING: Unrated
DURATION: 120 mins
AUDIO: DTS-HD MA 5.1
SUBTITLES: English, Spanish
VIDEO: 16:9 Widescreen (1.78:1)
DIRECTORS: Adam Rifkin, Joe Lynch, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green
CAST: Adam Rifkin, Sarah Mutch, Owen Benjamin, Richard Riehle, Joel David Moore, Ray Wise, Kane Hodder, Eric Roberts, Lin Shaye
TAGLINE: The Ultimate Midnight Movie!

I don't know about you but I just get pleased as punch whenever I hear about a new horror anthology coming down the pipeline. The omnibus fright format has always been a personal favorite of mine but they just don't seem as prevalent today as they were in the 70's and 80's - they've definitely fallen out favor. Perhaps it's just cause I was catching up with some of my favorites like Mario Bava's BLACK SABBATH (1963) and one of the many Amicus entries TALES FROM THE CRYPT (1972) some decades years after their initial release, either way there's not exactly a glut of 'em these days no matter how you slice it up and the format seemed to have peaked in the early 80's with the one-two punch of CREEPSHOW (1982) and TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE (1983). The nineties weren't exactly overflowing with anthologies either with the notable exceptions of FOUR ROOMS (1995) and PULP FICTION (1999) but in recent years there's been a resurgence with the Tarantino/Rodriguez feature GRINDHOUSE, TRICK R TREAT (2007) and effective, low-budget indies like THE DRIVE-IN HORRORSHOW (2009) and III SLICES OF LIFE (2010).

So, when word began to spread about this love letter to the schlocky drive-in films of the 60's and 70's from a handful of talented young directors I was pretty psyched and primed for some b-movie omnibus action. Beginning with the directors we have Adam Rifkin whose 70's stoner-comedy DETROIT ROCK CITY (1999) is a perennial favorite of mine, Joe Lynch who won me over with WRONG TURN 2 (2007), Adam Green who most recently nailed it with the winter-bound horror of FROZEN (2010) and lastly we have Tim Sullivan, director of 2001 MANIACS (2005).


The film CHILLERAMA is a series of vignettes that really sets out to celebrate the b-movie schlock cinema of yesteryear beginning with a wrap-a-round story called ZOM-B-MOVIE from director Joe Lynch that right away gets to the gritty with some distasteful necro-felatio which goes horribly awry, I would ask is there anyway necro-felatio could go well, I guess it's all a matter of perspective, right? The amorous grave robber leaves the cemetery injured to say the least with his naughty bits having been shredded by his graveyard girlfriend. Not something I would do myself but this guy actually limps his way back to his night job at the drive-in movie theatre where it's a special night, it's their last hurrah before the drive-in closes it's doors forever. To commemorate this sad occasion the aptly named drive-in proprietor Cecil Kaufman (Richard Riehle, OFFICE SPACE) is sending his beloved cinema out in style with a four film marathon of rare splatterfests projected on the big screen for a jam-packed crowd of gore-hounds and splatter-fiends.

The first feature is WADZILLA written, directed and starring Adam Rifkin (THE DARK BACKWARDS) and it's a truly tasteless send-up of the b-movie creature features of the 50's. Miles Munson (Rifkin) is a man afflicted with a low sperm count and when he seeks medical help for his condition he is prescribed an experimental drug called "spermupermine" by wacky wang-ologost Dr. Weems (Ray Wise, TWIN PEAKS). The testicular steroid has the unfortunate side effect of enlarging Mile's scrawny sperm when he is aroused - which is pretty often, there are babes galore in this film. These growing pains cause Miles great discomfort in the junk and the only way to alleviate the excruciating sensation is to beat-off and release the beast - and what a beast it is. The short is populated by gorgeous busty ladies and awful b-movie effects from none other than The Chiodo Brothers (KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE). There's appearances from Lin Shaye (INSIDIOUS) and Eric Roberts (SHARKTOPUS) as Gen. Bukaki and while Rifkin couldn't act his way outta a wet paper bag I found the flick to be a juvenile, raunchy exercise in trashiness with a sense of humor about it that brought to mind FRANKENHOOKER (1990) and ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES (1978) - fun stuff with a creamy climax that seemed to reference GHOSTBUSTERS (1984).

Up next is director Tim Sullivan's I WAS A TEENAGE WEREBEAR, a weird mash-up of BEACH BLANKET BINGO (1965) and TEEN WOLF (1985) zapped with a walloping dose of homo-eroticism and fun musical numbers. A clean-cut preppie named Ricky (gay porn star Sean Paul Lockhart) finds his life altered when he's bit on the ass during a sexually charged wrestling match with a leather daddy werebear. Not my cup o' tea but still slightly amusing. This is the first film I've seen from Tim Sullivan and while I can't say it did much for me it did have some fun musical numbers, but honestly it was just a bit too goofy and gay for me. I'm also a bit biased as I generally kinda sorta hate musicals, so that didn't help either. Lin Shay also appears in this segment as Nurse Maleva in a fun homage to THE WOLFMAN (1941) while director Tim Sullivan appears as Coach Tuffman. Some fun moments but overall this was the runt of the litter for me.

In Adam Green's demented Nazi-ploitation comedy THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANKENSTEIN actor Joel David Moore (SPIRAL) makes a turn as Adolf Hitler who sets out to create the perfect Jew-killing machine using the secrets of the family of Anne Frankenstein. Unfortunately he assembles his Arian masterpiece with the body parts of Jews and as can be expected his Golem-esque creation rises up against him with bloody results. This segment looks pretty fucking awesome, a spot on period piece shot in black and white, great production value and set design made this the best looking bit o' the bunch. Kane Hodder (FRIDAY THE 13th VII) appears as the creature Meshugannah and he really puts the "Bear Jew" from INGLORIOUS BASTERDS to shame in the Nazi killing department. The actors in the film seem to be speaking German fluently aside from Moore who wings it with some marble-mouthed nonsense. It's pretty funny stuff with Hodder delivering more than a fair share of cock n' balls destruction to some deserving Nazis, giving them a pounding that leaves them screaming "Shalom!". Pretty absurd stuff, it peters out towards the end having overstayed it's welcome just slightly but there's definitely some fun to be had here for sure.  

The not quite final segment is DEATHICATION, a short interlude of people shitting themselves to death, it's mighty pointless but quickly passes on into the true final vignette, the continuation of the wrap-a-round film ZOM-B-MOVIE. You may recall that the drive-in projectionist lost his junk following an unfortunate graveyard fellatio incident and returned to the drive-in at the start of the film but his blue neon infected wound has leaked the worst kind of cross-contamination possible into the concession stands popcorn unleashing a zombie horde upon the cinema. Luckily, the cinema's suicidal owner/horror host Cecil Kaufman, the awesome Richard Riehle, not only has great taste in bad cinema but a gigantic stash o' guns and an endless array of famous one-liners with which to combat the undead throngs.

So, does this trashy collection of bad b-movies work? Yes and no, these are bad films made to be seen as such, trashy love letters to an era of awfulness awesomeness and to that end I would say it's successful. Whether you enjoy it or not really depends on your stomach for schlock shittiness, for me it mostly hit all the wrong notes just the right way.

SPECIAL FEATURES:
- Directors' Video Commentary
- Wadzilla Deleted Scenes and Trailer (6:04)
- The Making of The Diary of Anne Frankenstein
- I Was A Teenage Werebear Behind the Scenes (21:59), Deleted Scenes (14:27), and Trailer
- Zom-B-Movie Deleted Scenes (4:02)
- Famous Monsters Directors' Interviews (5:41)
- Original Theatrical Trailer
- Trailers: CHILLERAMA (2:13), WADZILLA (2:39), I WAS A TEENAGE WEREBEAR (2:01)

VERDICT: I found it hard not to appreciate the zest with which these young directors tore into making such schlocky, awful films and in the end it really won me over despite some dud humor and flat gags throughout that are part and parcel of the films it's pays tribute to. Make no mistake, they're undoubtedly quite terrible films one and all, trashy, raunchy and distasteful on almost every level and I guess that's what I love about 'em - there's something so cool about a bad film. Now I know there's gonna be some haters who just can't stomach the schlock but count me in, it's bone-headed, offensive, dumb and pretty stupid entertainment. 3.5 outta 5  

[R2] DVD REVIEW: OUTCAST (2010)

OUTCAST (2010)

Release Date: January 17th 2011 

LABEL: Momentum Pictures

RATING: Cert. 18
DURATION: 98 Min.
REGION CODE: 2
DIRECTOR: Colm McCarthy
CAST: James Nesbitt, Karen Gillan, James Cosmo, Kate Dickie, Christine Tremarco, Niall Bruton, Hanna Stanbridge


PLOT: On the run from a deadly pursuer and using an ancient form of magic to hide themselves, Irish travellers Mary (Dickie) and her teenage son, Fergal (Bruton), wind up living in a dingy flat on a run down council estate in the suburbs of Edinburgh. Shortly after arriving, Fergal makes friends with a pretty, feisty neighbour, a Scottish-Romany girl called Petronella (Stanbridge), but it is a relationship which the fiercely protective Mary is determined to prevent from developing – and for very good reason.

FILM: Director Colm McCarthy's feature film debut OUTCAST (2010) follows an intense Irish mother Mary (Dickie) and her teenage son, Fergal (Bruton) as they settle into a low income housing complex in Edinburgh, Scotland. The film doesn't paint Edinburgh glamorously, it's a down trodden sort of place full of gloom and shadow. Mary and her son are not your average ordinary mother and son, she's a powerful mystic, a conjurer of dark Celtic magic and her idea of interior decorating is to mark the walls of their home with mystical runes to ward off those that would harm her son. A particularly effective scene involves her casting a ruinous spell upon a pestering social worker that leaves the woman an amnesiac. In many ways her son Fergal is a typical young man, he's unruly and full of budding sexuality but there's something dark lurking within him. The divide between Fergal and his mother widesn as he takes a liking to the sassy girl next door, Petronella (Stanbridge) leading to some downright uncomfortable confrontations between mother and son. The threat mom fears is a bruiser of a man called Cathal (Nesbit) who's been tasked to track and kill them by a rival mystical clan. Cathal's body had been adorned with tattoos that grant him strength and powers that aid him while he prowls the streets for Fergal. One such incantation involves gutting a pigeon and spilling it's guts onto the pavement in an effort to divine Fergal's whereabouts. I appreciate the way the filmmakers handled the occult elements in the film with a stark realism, no fantastical fairy dust here folks and it makes for a more potent watch. Cathal seems to be a force of good in the narrative but he's a dark individual, and it's not he I found myself rooting for. In the midst of this people are being attacked and eaten by a hulking beast in Fergal's neighborhood. It's unclear if it has a connection to Fergal or Cathal, but you know it's coming into play at some point.

Outcast is a slightly confusing bit of film and slightly impenetrable in places, the tone is a bit uneven but despite a few tolerable shortcomings it's a seriously creepy and haunting fable of battling mystical clans. The film culminates with the inevitable showdown between Cathal, Mary and Fergal. Honestly, it's a bit anticlimactic in my opinion. However, the reveal of the hulking beast as it emerges from the shadows after only being glimpsed throughout the film is fantastic stuff.


DVD: The film is presented in 16x9 enhanced 1.85:1 widescreen with 5.1 surround sound. It's a good looking image with a bit of a dull muted color palette, but it works as the film is set in a slummy area. The 5.1 surround that while not explosive is immersive and kicks in when appropriate.  Optional English subtitles are included and were appreciated as the Irish accent were impenetrable at times but not distractingly so. Special features are nearly non-existent with only a theatrical trailer.
SPECIAL FEATURE:
- Trailer (1:23)

VERDICT: OUTCAST is an engaging supernatural thriller with elements of mysticism and folklore set in modern times, the gloomy urban sprawl was an eerie setting and the film  managed to maintain it's mystery, something too few films aspire to do in an era when everything must be explained to death. A solid cast, an interesting script, and well done minimal special effects enhance this indie entry. Not a stunner but a definite recommend particularly if you enjoyed HEARTLESS (2009) or NIGHT WATCH (2004).
*** (3 out of 5 stars)

DVD Review: Raw Meat (1972)

RAW MEAT (1973)

"Beneath Modern London Lives a Tribe of Once Humans. Neither Men Nor Women.... They Are the Raw Meat of the Human Race?"
MGM Home Entertainment


RATED: Unrated
RUNNING TIME: 88 Min.
DIRECTOR: Gary Sherman
CAST: Donald Pleasence (Inspector Calhoun), Norman Riossington (Detective Searrgeant Rogers), David Ladd (Alex Campbell), Sharon Gurney (Patricia Wilson), Christopher Lee (Statton-Villiers, MI-5)


SUMMARY: People are disappearing in the Tube tunnels underneath London. When a prominent politician goes missing they call in Scotland Yard's Inspector Calhoun. What he discovers is that the lone survivor of a family of tunnel dwelling cannibals is on the loose and prowling the tunnels in search of RAW MEAT.

FILM: This is one of those films that I've heard about for years from connoisseurs of obscure horror. It definitely has a cult following though I don't think it's widely known or appreciated by most genre fans. RAW MEAT is the British film debut from American director Gary Sherman whom would go onto to direct DEAD & BURIED (1981), a first class suspense horror film featuring an amazing performance from Jack Alberts whom you will know as Grandpa Joe from WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (1971). Also known as DEATH LINE in the UK, the title was changed to RAW MEAT in the U.S. in an attempt to market it as more of a 70's Grindhouse style film.

As the film begins we see a pervy old chap in a bowler hat propositioning a hooker as he gets a knee to the balls for his troubles. Shortly thereafter the horny bastard is attacked by a snarling figure and is knocked unconscious. A young American college student Alex (David Ladd) and his British girlfriend are on their way home and discover his unconscious body on the stairs of the Underground. They report this to a policeman only to discover that his body has gone missing when they return to the scene. It turns out that the victim is a  local politician and Scotland Yard is called in to investigate. We're then introduced to quite possibly my favorite performance from Donald Pleasence as the sharp tongued, tea sipping Inspector Calhoun. It's a lively performance that outshines his portrayal of Dr. Loomis from HALLOWEEN (1978).  As Calhoun condescendingly interrogates Alex he comes across as a sly prick who's having a great deal of fun at the expense of the long-haired American. Novice actor Ladd just cannot match the character and intensity that veteran actor Pleasence brings to the role, he's like a deer in headlights and the scene suffers for it. Later in the film Pleasence spars with a more worthy opponent, none other than Christopher Lee, in a cameo as MI-5 agent Statton-Villiers. It's a brief but memorable appearance with some snippy banter back and forth between the two horror icons.

Bodies continue to pile up and it is discovered that murders are being committed by a diseased cannibal man that lives in an abandoned part of the subway. He's the lone surviving descendant of a group of miners that were trapped in the tunnel after it collapsed during construction of the Tube in the 1800's.  Apparently these unlucky folks not only survived but procreated and flourished for over a century through a strict regiment of incest and cannibalism. While they've been able to escape the tunnels to occasionally slaughter fresh victims no one along the way figured out to escape to the surface and perhaps stop fucking and eating each other? Okay, so there are a few leaps of logic one must overcome to buy into this scenario, but we as horror folk have turned a blind eye to more than our fair share of inconsistencies in the name of horror, am I right?

There's a great continuous tracking shot in the film within the living space of the cannibal set to the creepy sound of dripping water as the camera slowly pans 360 degree around the room and  reveals numerous mutilated bodies of victims including our horny perv from the start of the film. The maggot ridden corpses are rotting, their facial features having been chewed off and eaten, real grotesque stuff. It's an eerie, disturbing sight as the camera reveals the man crying over the body his dead companion. For a film from 1972 this must have been quite startling sight to theatre goers who had yet to see THE EXORCIST (1973) or THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974). The image of the bearded cannibal man stalking the dark tunnels with gas lantern in hand is a chilling sight indeed. Occasionally mumbling the only words he knows, "Mind the doors", a refrain that he has apparently picked up from the automated PA system on each of the subway cars, it's a nice touch.


I love this film, but that is not to say it's without flaws; its a bit pacey in places and the characters of Alex  (David Ladd) really got on my nerves. If he had disappeared from the film after the initial interrogation I wouldn't have minded. Pleasence and Hugh Armstrong as the cannibal man carry this film for me, particularly Pleasence's iconic performance.


DVD: RAW MEAT is presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with mono audio and English language subtitles. It's a good looking print with good depth of blacks though not the crispest image you've ever seen. The mono soundtrack is adequate but I think a newly created 5.1 surround mix could have greatly enhanced the viewing experience and immersed you in the cavernous setting. It's one of those bare bones MGM editions and includes only a theatrical trailer as supplemental material, sometimes just having the film is enough, but after seeing the 2-disc edition of DEAD & BURIED from Blue Underground it really is a bit of a shame that more effort was not put into this release.

VERDICT: My buddy Zachary says RAW MEAT is like THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977) set in a subway, and I don't think that's too far off the mark. This is a great watch and I strongly recommend it. A great debut from director Gary Sherman, definitely check out his follow-up film DEAD & BURIED (1981). ***1/2 (3.5 out of 5 Stars)


- McBASTARD

VHS Review: Xtro (1983)

XTRO (1983)
"Not all extra terrestrials are friendly"


RUN TIME: 84 Min.
DIRECTOR: Harry Bromley Davenport
CAST: Philip Sayer (Sam Phillips), Bernice Stegers (Rachel Phillips), Danny Brainin (Joe Daniels), Maryam d'Abo (Analise Mercier), Simon Nash (Tony Phillips)

SUMMARY: Three years after the disappearance of Sam Phillips (Philip Sayer), his young son Tony (Simon Nash) pines for daddy's return when mom Rachel (Bernice Stegers) takes up with another man. The fractured household, which also includes a sexy babysitter (Maryam d'Abo), is further upset when Sam mysteriously returns and has a nasty habit of attacking local residents and seeping mysterious fluids from his body. A grisly, fast-paced blend of sci-fi thrills and gut-churning horror, Xtro became an instant audience favorite and remains one of the most popular British cult films today.

THE FILM: XTRO begins as father and son are playing fetch-the-stick with the family dog. As dad throws the stick over the cottage it strikes something unseen midair. There's flash of electricity and day turns to night as father is abducted in a beam of bright light in the sky, a real CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND on a really low budget kind of moment. Tony has always insisted that his father was taken by a light in the sky, however, mom believes that Sam's run off with another woman.

Later that night a UFO is flying over a nearby woods and deposits something into the ground, setting a small wooded area on fire in the process. Something is stirring, a pool of ooze is morphing into a gross-looking grasshopper-esque creature. This is our first taste of some awesomely cheesey 80's practical special effects via a man in a fairly terrible rubber suit. A passing vehicle strikes the creature and when the driver of the car goes to investigate what he has struck he is killed by the injured creature. The female passenger of the car is also killed. It then makes it's way to a  small cottage where it attacks and  alien-rapes the occupant, a young woman. A proboscis of some sort emerges from the creature and cups itself over the victim's mouth transferring it's alien-semen into her body.  She awakens hours later to the body of the rotting, dead creature and something growing in her womb. In a nice touch as her dog is eating the creature's corpse. Whatever it is inside her it's rapidly growing. As she lies on the floor her stomach distendeds several times that the size of a pregnant woman, a disgusting birth ensues as a full grown man emerges from between her legs, chewing through his own umbilical cord. The man is Sam, Tony's father, whom disappeared three years earlier.

At the same time Tony awakens from a dream covered in a bucket load of blood seemingly from nowhere. She calls the doc who comes to the house right away, gotta love the British health care system. He's suffered no injuries, no explanation whatsoever is offered, just one of many bizarre and unexplained goings on in this film.

The Sam clone/creature tries to call his wife from a payphone but it seems his vocal chords have not fully matured and she can't understand him. When he hangs up the phone it melts away, another bizarre goings on never explained. Rachel's assistant is Analise, the super-hot Maryam d'Abo (THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS). She gorgeous, frisky, and kind enough to have several gartuitous nude scenes throughout the film. 

Rachel heads to school to pick-up Tony and shockingly finds out he's been picked-up by Sam. She tracks them down and Sam reveals himself to her, he says he's no memory of where he's been since the abduction 3 years prior. She takes him home where he meets her new man Joe, it's an uneasy meeting  and Joe is suspect of Sam's intentions. With nowhere else to go Rachel invites Sam to stay in their home.

Tony walks-in on his dad eating his pet snake Harry's rather runny eggs and runs off in fright. Dad gives chase through the apartment buildings basement level, catching up to him he explains that since the abductions he's visited far away worlds and has changed and come back for him. Once he's gained the child's confidence he puts his mouth on the boys neck and transfers more mysterious fluids into him. Afterwards Tony discovers he's gained new powers, the ability to control objects. Powers he uses soon after to dispatch the elderly neighbor who kills his pet snake after it escapes into her apartment. In yet more bizarre goings on Tony's method of revenge is somehow transforming his 12" army action figure into a 6' assassin. It's a fun scene, and the way the old had bayonetted through the bed and blood squirts out from underneath is a gloriously cheap thrill. The same can be said for this entire film, I guess.  

Wow, I'm writing way too much about this film. It's an effects n' gore extravaganza, and the plot is a bit meandering, serving only to link the numerousand bloody effects scenes together. Don't come to this film expecting a coherent plot, it's not there. In fact, the entire film is a bit nonsensical, but the cheap special effects are a blast, full of strange fluids, blood and a killer clown that Tony conjures during a trippy, hallucinagenic scene.

DVD: I didn't have the pleasure of watching this film in the digital glory of DVD, instead I picked it up on 1.33:1 full screen VHS at the local Goodwill for incredible price of  .99, you now you're jealous, admit it. I haven't watched a VHS in years, what a nostalgic blast. The DVD is readily available and I'm sure I'll be picking it up in the near future. All three Xtro films are available on a triple pack DVD, FYI. The film as presented on DVD is 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with a Dolby 2.0 audio track. The DVD special features include 2 alternate endings, a deleted scene and an interview with the director, which I hear is hilarious.

VERDICT:  Of all the exploitation flicks that came after E.T. and Close Encounters of the Third Kind this is definitely one of the strangest cult & sci-fi exploitation flicks out there. The atmosphere of the film is quite deranged, you never know what might happen next. If you crave alien rape, full frontal nudity, awesomely terrible special effects, this a true treat. A must see even if only one time. Be forewarned, there are a lot of bizarre goings on here that are never explained. Just kick back with a few beers and enjoy. Now I'm in the mood to see GALAXY OF TERROR or INSEMINOID. *** (3 out of 5 stars)

DVD Review: The Card Player (2005)

THE CARD PLAYER (2005)

“A Serial Killer with a Vice for Poker”

RATED: Unrated
RUNNING TIME: 104 Min.
DIRECTOR: Dario Argento
CAST: Stefania Rocca, Liam Cunningham, Silvio Muccino, Claudio Santamaria Fiore Argento, Adalberto Maria Merli, Elisabetta Rochchetti


ANECDOTAL: As a child of the 80’s and the VHS era I grew up with directors like Romero, Carpenter, Craven, Hooper, and Argento. Despite my love for their 1970’s/80’s body of work, I don’t think it’s blasphemy to say that its widely consented that all these directors took a nosedive in quality in the 90’s as evidenced by Romero’s THE DARK HALF (1993), Carpenters VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (1995), Craven’s PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS (1991), Hooper’s THE MANGLER (1995), and Argento’s TRAUMA (1993). Sure, they snuck in a few decent films here and again, but overall, their bodies of work were declining, losing much of their early vision, style, and originality. Like the X-FILES Agent Mulder, I want to believe, I want to believe that these legendary, masters of the genre will return to form. There have been brief glimpses of hope from each since the 90’s, Carpenters FROM THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (1995) an H.P Lovecraft inspired masterpiece, Romero’s LAND OF THE DEAD (2005) is a good, campy fun. Hooper’s remake of TOOLBOX MURDERS (2004) is a creepy, brutal gem, and Craven’s thriller RED EYE (2005) was not awful, which is quite a compliment after the dreadful CURSED (2005), and Argento’s slight-return SLEEPLESS (2001). I’m very hopeful of the upcoming John Carpenter flick, THE WARD; see its true, I WANT TO BELIEVE!

SYNOPSIS: In Rome, a serial killer calling himself the Card Player is abducting women and taunting the police via the internet when he challenges them to a game of video poker. At stake are the lives of each of the women. If the police refuse or lose, the women are mutilated, and ultimately their throats slashed via webcam.

THE FILM: Italian detective Anna Mari (Stefania Rocca, THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY) and forensics expert John Brennan (Liam Cunningham, DOG SOLDIERS) are on the trail of a demented serial killer, The Card Player, who is abducting women and then inviting the police to gamble on their lives via a game of online poker. Is it me, or does this sound like a storyline from a TV police procedural drama like C.S.I. or CRIMINAL MINDS, no? It’s difficult for me to watch a thriller as pedestrian as this and not think of Argento’s films DEEP RED, TENBRAE and THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE and not wonder, what happened? Dario Argento has always been a visual director, you could forgive the clunky and trite dialogue, the nonsensical plot twist because you were in awe of the color palate, the odd camera angles, the stunning cinematography, set pieces, lighting and the amazing scores from GOBLIN and ENNIO MORRICONE. What we get here is some rather bland cinematography, fair enough, for a standard thriller, terrible dialogue, and an annoying electronic score from longtime collaborator Claudio Simonetti, of GOBLIN fame. The least promising parts of this film is the webcam/video poker plot, which is sad as it’s the premise of the film and they hold little suspense, and are poorly assembled. The film has a few gruesome cadaver FX, and at certain points I did get caught up in the investigation, but the climax scenario at the end of this film is just terrible. Of note, the film was originally conceived as a sequel of sorts to THE STENDHAL SYNDROME (1996), however, Asia Argento didn’t care for the script and passed.

DVD: A decent DVD package here from Anchor Bay, much better than the film deserves, in my estimation. 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen presentation and a decent 5.1 soundtrack that really kicks in when film score is present but otherwise not very active. Audio commentary from author Alan Jones, an interview with Argento, a featurette Maestro of Fear (16Min.), an interview with longtime Argento collaborator/composer Claudio Simonetti (GOBLIN), Trailer, Behind-the-Scenes, Bio, and an 8 page booklet.

VERDICT: A disappointment, to be sure. THE CARD PLAYER is a very standard thriller, not terrible, just ordinary. Everything I’ve come to expect from an Argento film is absent, the cinematography, the score, the visual flair. The only Argento element left is the terrible dialogue, and without the visuals and score, you’re left with a very unsatisfying experience **1/2 (2.5 out of 5 stars)

DVD Review: Doghouse (2009)

DOGHOUSE (2009)

“The battle of the sexes just got bloody…”


RATED: Unrated
RUNNING TIME: 89 Min.
DIRECTOR: Jake West
CAST: Stephen Graham, Danny Dyer, Noel Clarke, Christina Cole, Emily

ANECDOTAL: DOGHOUSE is directed by JAKE WEST, whom has several films under his belt, including PUMPKINHEAD: ASHES TO ASHES (2007) and EVIL ALIENS (2007), the latter of which I enjoyed quite a bit. I’ve seen none of the PUMPKINHEAD sequels and I would be interested in hearing your opinions regarding the quality of each, dear reader.

 

SYNOPSIS: A group of immature mates head to the remote village of Moodley for a weekend of fun in an effort to console their recently divorced friend. Once there they quickly discover that the peaceful village is blighted by psychotic, cannibalistic females.

DVD: DOGHOUSE is available as a Region 2 DVD. At this time there is no Region 1 release. The DVD is 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen aspect ratio, 5.1 surround sound. SPECIAL FEATURES: Deleted Scenes, Bloopers, a Making Of featurette, TV Spots and Trailer. The film is available through IFC’s Video-On-Demand service.

THE FILM: In this British horror/comedy a group of six friends head to the rustic village of Moodley, a town renowned for its 4:1 ratio of women to men, to engage in a bit of drinking and general debauchery. Soon after arriving in Moodley they realize something strange is going on. The films takes off at a brisk pace from there with a plot involving the military testing biological weapons on the populous and EVIL DEAD style cannibalistic-zombie/mutants. Sounds like a fun time, right? There is little in regards to character development aside from a brief opening montage, the jokes are stale, and the film relies too heavily on the creature FX to carry it along. The only actor I recognized is Danny Dyer, whom I enjoyed in the films SEVERANCE (2006) and CLOSURE (2007), he’s wasted in this film. That being said, the highlights for me were the numerous and creative creature/zombie make-up FX which are brilliant and bloody. DOGHOUSE is more a comedy filled with splatter than a horror laced with humor, and that’s where I dinged it, as I prefer my horror/comedies contain a reasonable amount of scares and a bit of character development, and at no point did I feel for the characters or there well being.

VERDICT: While it doesn’t reach the heights of RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985) or SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004), DOGHOUSE is good, shallow fun that’s light on fright, but elicited a few chuckles. Some beer and a few friends could have gone a long way towards improving my viewing of this film. I highly recommend director Jake West’s previous film EVIL ALIENS, and the superior British horror/comedy SEVERANCE featuring a great performance from Danny Dyer. *** (3 out of 5 stars)